seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- holidays sometimes i sound so little through this diary...weak...it makes me sick to my stomach...sometimes i just want to erase everything and start from scratch...but i'm not witty enough everyone in this house has melted into one gigantic puddle of holiday stress: my parents are silently fighting...which means misinterpreting eachother's actions and then yelling about it later to other people and not to eachother....my mother cries to herself about a hundred times a day and sometimes i want to be compassionate and sometimes i feel like telling her to just get over it and change her own life if she hates it so much...i feel like i am going crazy...i keep wondering how i would be if i had had a semi-normal childhood...living in one place, a father who is concerned with your well-being, a mother who does not explode over one sock being on the floor, a mother who didn't throw all of your toys on the floor just to make you pick it all up again, a mother who silently curses you in another language under her breath i'm just in a bad mood...i don't think about this every minute of the day...i don't harp on my distresses but sometimes it just reaches me underneath it all, my safe exterior...sometimes it is eating me away...and at the same time i love my parents and understand that i always had a home and food and clothing and toys and sisters to play with and ask advice from and at the same time is all this really enough? would i give this all up to be homeless in a car with parents that support me emotionally? and its supposed to be christmas! love, michele 11:36 a.m. - 2001-12-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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