seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- in novels we are safe we all felt cold inside the barnes and noble, the one i had been going to since high school, the one across from rave and next to a petstore in the mall. i longed to be in a used book store where people actually browsed through books and weren't titillated by collateral damage starring arnold schwarzenegger, taking sips from their biodegradable coffee cups, chewing on the ends of plastic stirrers . . . i think that i am afraid of the mall because i am afraid of who i will see and who i will seem to those that see me. and so i never go there. -i cannot believe that it is august already and all i have done this summer is rearrange my room and watch the entire first three seasons of sex and the city. -my books still haven't made it back on the bookshelf and i haven't seen the surface of my desk for weeks -and i've cried twice thinking about how i'm going to crash my mother's car in the parking garage at school -and i've cried twice trying to remember the way i was in an old polaroid i found at the bottom of a shoe box and the shadow still swings back and forth across my blinds but i think i've finally figured it out: once i stop thinking about it, ignoring the possibility that it may be a mass murderer hiding on the porch waiting to lop my head off, it magically disappears. and i keep thinking to myself if only it really were this easy... 15:05 - 05 August, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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