seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- diary entry Things are really erratic now--I think this is the true meaning of summer. I feel displaced, homeless sometimes and when I go to my grandmother's house I am reminded of The Mickey Mouse Club and Kids Incorporated every afternoon at 5 and 5:30. I remember knitted quilts emitting the smell of mothballs and lumpy pillows tossed carelessly on the sagging cushions of her sleeper sofa. I loved that old house on Ruby Road. The one now is too starch white with hospital floors and generic Georgia O'Keefe imitations hanging from the walls. There is no smell of childhood, just vanilla cake candles, plug-ins, carpet deodorizer . . . I feel insecure when I teach modal verbs and subject/predicate agreement. I think my voice cracks a little when I have to explain the difference between would and should. I want to see a therapist and be strong enough to wear sweaters in the winter. I don't want to feel stupid jogging down the street or checking the mailbox. I am too self-conscious to wear my hair down. I am too self-conscious to wear dresses and skirts. I don't know how to end this entry. 11:43 - 24 July, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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