seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- daddy he ran away from home when he was fifteen but had nowhere to go, his mother died from breast cancer shortly after... he met his two stepsiblings later that year, he hasn't been back to her grave since...flowers aren't enough i sat in the front seat when i was five as he drove around downtown Angeles City, a city far from Manila, jungles and broken down streets...i stared at the prostitutes with their sequined belts and missing teeth...i saw the lack of something in their eyes....he told me to look away...we went to the McDonalds where they supposedly used maggots as a substitution for beef (or so the kids whispered at school)...i had a new baby sister at home so i was eager to get back to the base...and he played his country music, a familiar sound in a distant country that was home to me when he left for the Gulf War my mother cried into the freshly baked laundry as we sat underneath the christmas tree...she sent my sister and i on a plane to Tallahassee to stay with my grandparents...when i saw my father that following spring things were different...he was missing something in his eyes like those women on their dirty streets...we had our tiny american flags and i hid mine behind my back now i do not speak to him, my voice is foriegn...he asks me how my day was and i answer "okay"...i grab an apple out of the fruit basket and stretch out with a novel on my bed...when i hear him come home i let the sound melt into nothingness in my ears, he drives a bus around town...he drinks at night, he goes for walks every afternoon around dusk...what does he think about while he is alone in his head? the past repeats itself but i cannot go back and undo things...i don't know who i am in his eyes....not a daughter, a stranger love, mcl 4:33 p.m. - 2001-09-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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