seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the wrong shoes conversation in my head: sometimes you are so distant from everybody else and nobody knows you and maybe you really feel nothing for anything, maybe you're just bones and skin and fat deposits and eyes and teeth and acne and tissue and nothing...and sometimes you don't care but sometimes you do, most of the time you do i told myself i wanted to surround myself with wonderful films and music and people who care and literature that defines the meaning of life and nature that tells me there is something out there and that i wouldn't overanalyze things, i wouldn't try to defend my self-esteem because i have it, because i'm not chronically depressed, because i have something inside worth noting, because i don't want to be famous, because i like standing on the bus if it means somebody else gets to sit down, because i'm not perfect, because i'm a person, because i don't know who i am anymore- what is this? what are these questions? these are not about myself...i feel more and more like my soul and less like my body...i feel like i've been running in sandals with broken straps flapping against my ankles, with rubber soles torn...with grass blades in my hair...i feel like i've been waiting to tell myself who i am but then i remembered that there was no true answer i wish i could be everywhere and alive but not here i wish i could be immune but sadness drips everywhere and sometimes i can't find my way around the puddles 5:27 p.m. - 2001-11-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||