seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- thursday before my last class of the day i forgot my jacket this morning...all i talk about is being too cold or too hot...i vow to cut those complaints out of my life... there are many children on fieldtrips here...their crinkly parkas with their little hoods, their laughter...- i remember giggling uncontrollably too...sometimes i'm afraid i've forgotten how to respond to the world...that little part of honesty inside slowly erroded, now i am every feeling and emotion recycled but these children gather on the steps of the auditorium with their kindergarten teachers and their P.E. coaches and i just want to join them but i've never had a knack for blending in...even when i was five... i have so much i want to accomplish that i compiled a list of longterm goals. i hid the list because it contains very personal stuff but i'm constantly hiding things that i only can find years later, when i'm not looking for them anymore...once when i was eight or nine, i put ten dollars in a tiny purple purse for safekeeping...almost ten years later i was cleaning out my closet and found the money...and it was a little dose of happiness...and a memento... but i don't find things anymore...they only become hopelessly lost...in the huge lost and found of life, crumpled in heaps behind all of the my other problems i just want to be new i want to know where i'm going because there are no lines at the door anymore or hall monitors or cafeteria whistles just me...and the leaves and the goosebumps on my arm and my dirty complexion reflected from the glass doors of the library and as a whole... i miss daydreaming during spelling lessons i miss it all 10:58 a.m. - 2001-12-06 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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