seethingblue's Diaryland Diary

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lovesongs

we spoke of iceland in geography class and no one understood about warmth in places so close to the north pole and sometimes

i dream i am going blind

if i sort out my likes and dislikes: i like the goddess iris and i like coconut flavored cookies

i dislike too much html configuration and the tango

is this proof that i exist more than a body, frumpy with cat hair sticking to my shirt, in the desk...i'm propped up

sometimes i find people and i want to grab them by their shirt sleeves and keep them with me and say "dear, i would compose a thousand poems for you but just be by me always" and not be clingy and looming like an expanding storm cloud...

i'm reconstructing bad memories to formulate the why of things...why you are not running with it all but walking slowly away

that i don't give a shit, i don't don't don't...you can have your activism and i will root for you silently on the sidelines always...i will keep your shirts hidden in the bottom drawer beneath threadbare socks and the diet pills that don't work ever

and i will never tell you that you aren't gold enough or warm enough or displaying your reasons for anger enough

i will never hide away because i cannot face past journal entries and left over glasses of water from the night before

i won't say i'm not good enough ever again

i won't say words like that at all

8:52 p.m. - 2002-01-30

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