seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i cannot tell the difference between the lightning and the thunder anymore instead of writing thoughts and feelings in my journals i only compile lists, poetry in lists, stacking things of importance in descending order i've noticed how the rainstorms here are different from rainstorms in the south, the wind howls in a different key here, higher and stronger and less in pain, less thrashing of tree limbs, less violence in the force of the rain as it streams down gutters and pounds against the cement of driveways and front porches, i am at a loss for words at night- never forming daydreams when i am away from home but sleeping a dead, still sleep: body held straight and stiff, careful tilt of head to keep from snoring, self-conscious beneath someone else's covers and sheets. the uncomfortable silence of the night keeping me awake until past midnight, waking me up early in the morning. i think i'm ready to tell the truth in journals. to tell the whole truth without minimizing the details by listing things i would do if only . . . and things i cannot do because . . . and people who have broken me and people i cannot have 11:54 - 11 July, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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