seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- african violets i want to clip the dead leaves off- the ones that wilt for no reason on the greener stalks and drag the entire plant down, leaving the soil dry and cracked where once there was lovely blackness from moisture. i have tried to apply this to my life, this method of plant care. and the wilted leaves are the parts of my head and emotional being that have somehow died and are now decaying the rest of me. but somehow i cannot tell the difference these days. depression is like carrying a heavy knapsack around. it hurts you and is heavy and slows you down but somehow you feel safer with it on. when i catch myself laughing, i suddenly feel hollow as if something is missing. and then i realize what it is: i have let my guard down, my shield of sadness to protect me, i need to remember that what depression really is is the decay of painful experiences and that eventually i will wilt altogether if i cannot learn to exist without that which has already died. 20:47 - 30 July, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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