seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- the depression of drawn-out days and black & white movies I burn my knuckles on the coffee mug, I feel hateful of myself today. With my feet in the sand, my sisters swam against the current, their heads bobbing rhythmically-- a woman crying, the shrieking of seagulls. Down I lay, feeling paranoid about my thighs, feeling that crash diets and too much caffeine are making me vulnerably soft, disintegrating in your hands, when I see how close your face is to mine, the fluorescent lights of how I hate my face, of how I am afraid you will really see me and hate me too. I pretend to have bangs, I make fun of women with Turbie Twists, I make fun of women who stretch themselves for men, and I am like them too, I can't stop hating everything right now, and feeling neurotic, too much coffee 19:41 - 07 April, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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