seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- guilt i don't want to tell you that my grades are bad and every day it is a struggle to swing my legs over the bed and rise and wash my face with cold water, shut the bathroom window to muffle the sound of bulldozers in my backyard they are tearing down forests to build more swimming pools for June and if i type too loud too early in the morning i will wake my sisters i don't want to tell you that i am a chronic skipper and that i'm doing bad because i never go to class i hate school i remember saying this when i was eight and having my mom gasp with shock school was so sacred to her, to her culture but she quickly realized that i was learning less and less as the years went by i learned shame and fear and loneliness and how to perfect my passivity i don't want to tell you this so i don't, the blood in my hands feels constricted, i have secretly cut strands of my own hair and everything about me is disorganized, sad 08:48 - 05 November, 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||