seethingblue's Diaryland Diary

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I pretend to be a realist.

It is the day after my birthday and I feel like I am too complicated to befriend, too gloomy to invite to parties or the beach, and too co-dependent to drive or watch movies alone.

My ideal life involves many trees and a coastline, but perhaps not a beach. I picture rooms with fresh sheets, old wooden bed posts, the smell of lemons in the kitchen, gardens too wild to really care for, and fires in the winter. I picture long trips at times with people who laugh with no shame or embarrassment, who don't tell crippling secrets or inadvertently criticize my lifestyle. I picture many staircases, plane rides between cities, and sleeping cats.

16:41 - 18 August, 2005

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