seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- dislocated thoughts (sometimes it feels like my left side is paralyzed, it takes all my strength to lift my right hand and write and sometimes i feel like a fish out of water gasping for air. . .i don't have asthma but when it is very cold and i am walking uphill, the air gets stuck somewhere deep in my chest as if it is refusing to circulate. . .like i am breathing through a grate, long raspy words whispered through the contours of my body, the sound of heaving in and out- this of course has nothing to do with anything, i feel as if i am drugged with these complaints. . .all i can do is diagnose myself in my head) more random thoughts from this lonely thursday: sometimes i wish i was a genius, a math genius...sitting alone and working out these intricate formulas just for fun. sometimes a part of me catches onto the topic but then i only get tangled in the little symbols and numbers...i feel so excluded from this secret language, the secret math club sometimes i feel like i have witch hair, that ugly halloween wig you can find in a drugstore that gets all tangly and gross...sometimes i feel like buying one of those pointy hats (that probably have nothing to do with witches at all) and wearing it 365 days a year...wouldn't that be odd sometimes i want to smash in all those funky windows that are like funhouse mirrors...when i'm walking past them i can't help but notice the ugly shape of my hips and thighs...i want to kick them in but then i remember my composure. . .those architects must have been men and sometimes i just want to have an automatic response ready when somebody insults me...like yesterday when i sat down at this table to drink my orange juice and some girls started complaining loudly to one another about how i had stolen their seats...they kept giving me these icy stares and i wanted to just jump up and say something like "well, it's a free country, sister!" but instead i just hid behind my backpack and realized the orange juice i was drinking actually tasted like bile (that's disgusting, i know) I'm so bored. 11:35 a.m. - 2001-10-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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