seethingblue's Diaryland Diary

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magnets

Magnets

i am drawn to tasks where i can use my hands; where i can be creative enough to know that beautiful isn't something seen but felt

and i am drawn to those people who use their hands to create- like martha stewart and ursula hegi and luke, with the green guitar for show and tell in my fourth grade class

i find myself guided by instincts but then my watch is so heavy on my wrist and it finds a way to seep into the picture until everything is bleeding together into one soggy mess and i cannot find the time to follow the breadcrumbs or the gingerbread steps back and into the forest, not my forest- my love of twisted limbs and tree hammocks, but a field of christmas trees that are overpriced and sickly blue and that is what i am the most afraid of. . .to be dependent emotionally but well paid or to be independent in reason and strenghth and beauty but unable to feed and clothe those around me. . .and i tell myself not to worry; there is a balance

but i am so afraid i won't find that balance, so i mend the holes in socks i'd rather throw out, i read beautiful books i'd rather not analyze, and i tell people what they want to hear the most. . .

i know

12:59 p.m. - 2001-10-22

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