seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i want something to change everything is strange- this screen is hazy and i feel nauseated, wanted to crawl back in and sleep sleep sleep my alarm clock has been stuck on 6:17 for days like everything i own that tells the time, my watch, kitchen clocks, grandfather clocks, my dad made clocks once, skeletons of clocks, unfinished and hollow propped up against the dirty windows i feel drugged.headache. not wanting many things right now- wanting to throw the phone against the wall, i hate the phone- no one i know ever calls, the people i know who call i never want to talk to- i can't make conversation, say things, be honest, i'm always waiting to click off this doesn't mean anything to me- i just want to write, for once, without thinking about poetry, word placement, meaning my head keeps pounding. i lost a book, Mary-Anne Saves the Day, not my book, the girl i babysit brought it over and i read two chapters to her and did all the voices- and now the book is somewhere, missing in my house, i looked between the couch cushions, underneath the rug, the tiny spaces behind open doors, underneath the kitchen table its just gone. i used to read the babysitters club a lot- wondering how life could be so easy for these girls, wishing i was dawn with her long blonde hair, were these girls just stereotypes? kristy was the anal one, the sporty one, bossy, mallory was the dork- glasses, loved writing and horses, claudia was artistic and messy, stacy permed her hair, was from NY and supposedly sophisticated yet the girls all seemed the same in first person 10:44 a.m. - 2002-04-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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