seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- an inventory of produce It is so sad that my last guestbook entry was written by myself. I don't use my refrigerator crisper. I forget the vegetables are there and then they turn brown and liquid. I sometimes go in and squeeze each one still shrouded in its thin plastic produce bag. As if I must prove my peppers, cucumbers, and hothouse tomatoes have not rotted away. They are all on the bottom shelf. I believe that my refrigerator was assembled sometime in the 1970s. I would like a newer one, but how do I approach the subject with the staff of my apartment complex? They are blonde girls all five years younger than me. They sit at their desks and look bored all the time. They chew gum when you talk to them on the phone. I have a phobia about crossing the street in traffic. So I ride the bus heading south for nearly 40 minutes to get to campus when I could just cross the street, catch it going north, and ride it for merely 10 minutes. I imagine my parallel universe. In it, I'm thin. I shave my legs regularly. I have longer hair and a boyfriend. I go to Paris and eat a dainty pastry puff. A man on his scooter stops to help me get to the Eiffel Tower. At the top, even the pigeons are falling in love with the city. They cock their heads and gurgle in admiration. My poetry professor has a soft, British accent. I don't always agree with his point of view. When we discuss my own work, I sit, tight-lipped and jot down notes, draw arrows on the page. I try to not care. He asks me if the workshop has helped. I always say yes. The truth is, I know I am being selfish and a poor-sport. I should laugh, and ha ha, and agree with every criticism, every verbal cross-out, every confession of bewilderment. I hate the logistics of poetry. That one person who says "how can this be? trains don't run that late in London." I want to jerk my poem away and say "fuck you." Do writers ever get over this? I think we lie when we say we do. 02:53 - 21 March, 2008 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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