seethingblue's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- update so they won't shut me down it storms here every tuesday. Everything feels gray, dull. The heat is unbearable and I find my sleep patterns shifting. I got a job waitressing at the place my sister works. I'm terrified of it. I'm so klutzy, slow at getting things done, passive, and bad at math. I feel like I have no social skills. I try to suppress the anxiety by telling myself it's a job, not a career, but I still feel inadequate. I think I think too much. I know I do. I'm worried about grad school apps. It takes me forever just to research each school to find the right ones to apply to. I've decided to try two really good schools and a few schools on a lower tier. I rethink my decision to apply every day. It makes me wonder if I'm really making the right choice. Maybe I should pursue an M.A. in education???? And the writing sample terrifies me. 15 pages of poetry. Do I even want to study poetry? I love it but... Er, this is probably one of the most difficult summers of my life. I wish I could put more poetic, thoughtful things on this diary but I feel like there's nothing really to draw on at this point. I couldn't possibly write anything beautiful (not that I ever could). 10:37 - 15 June, 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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